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Say what you like (or don\u2019t like) about South Africa, but when it comes to choice of quality Jewish schools for our children, there\u2019s no place in the world that comes close. Whether you\u2019re looking for the right place to start this 12+ year journey or you\u2019re searching for a new school that\u2019s a better fit for your child, we truly are spoiled for choice. We spoke to three families who have experienced multiple schools first-hand. One has six children who attended six different schools at various stages of their education, another has four at four schools, and another has two children who have been at four different schools. All three families chose their first school based on their \u201chashkafa\u201d, the style of Judaism that resonated with them as a couple and that the school was known to embody, but as their children\u2019s individual personalities and needs emerged, they were pushed to broaden their horizons and discover what\u2019s unique about schools they would never have imagined choosing! <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n When we first bring a child into the world, we imagine him or her to be a blank slate, a piece of putty to be moulded in our image, our values, even our personality styles. To like what we like, to be drawn to the people we are and to believe what we do. Sooner or later, we\u2019re in for a surprise \u2013 each neshoma (soul) has its own story, both past and future, its own path to walk, struggles to face, and light to bring into places we might never explore. As Hashem contracted[1]<\/a><\/sup><\/sup> and concealed Himself to make a space for us to exist and develop and choose a relationship with Him, so too we as parents have to make space for our children to find themselves.[2]<\/a><\/sup><\/sup> This is guaranteed to push us out of our own comfort zones. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cHere you have so many beautiful Jewish schools all within the Orthodox framework, even if they are not very religious, and you can\u2019t appreciate how important that is until you\u2019ve seen the alternatives.\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cHaving enrolled six children in six different schools, the first thing I tell the principal is that I have no loyalty to a particular school \u2013 I\u2019m loyal to my child,\u201d says Joburg mom, Heidi Shwer. \u201cAs long as my child is happy, they have my loyalty. There is no such thing as the \u201cbest school\u201d. The best school is where your child is happiest. If they get into the car in the morning with a smile, if they are confident, that\u2019s the right school. A child cannot learn when they are unhappy. I\u2019ve learned that you can\u2019t choose a school for academic education or for hashkafa. A child\u2019s value system is learned at home, and a matric is a matric. My oldest two did the GDE and IEB matrics at Yeshiva Maharsha and Yeshiva College, respectively, and both got into engineering. Both of them did primary school at the Cheder, with no secular subjects other than English and Maths. This did not affect them academically at all. In fact, I saw that Torah learning emphasises application of concepts which test the mind, and that stood them in good stead.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThe Cheder was the last school I ever thought I\u2019d choose. I only knew about it because of my husband Danny\u2019s involvement as a supporter. But my son\u2019s soul just lit up on his first day and he was so happy there. I ended up sending my first three there for primary school after Hirsch Lyons nursery school. The right school is one that is a good fit socially, emotionally, and spiritually, where a child learns to connect to Hashem in his or her individual way. And that can change from one child to the next and from one year to the next. My fourth child has a knack for science and maths, so learning in multiple languages at Maharsha was not good for him and he was acting out. An educational psychologist we consulted told us he was in the wrong environment. He needed a firm foundation in the sciences to really actualise his potential, so we moved him to Victory Park where he flew. For high school, he wanted to move to Hirsch Lyons and that was perfect for him.\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cMany parents come to me for advice because we have experienced so many schools and the one thing I always say is don\u2019t leave a child unhappy for too long. Often the advice given is \u201cfinish the term\u201d or \u201cfinish the year\u201d. I totally disagree. I always discuss the issues with the school and try to find solutions, but some things, like the social fit, or academic issues \u2013 don\u2019t change with time. One of my sons moved schools just before the last exams in grade 10. We were told to wait till the next year but he wanted the chance to integrate. He was totally motivated, wrote and aced the exams, and started the new chapter immediately. When a child is miserable, nothing goes in. Unhappiness can actually create academic problems. One of my children was constantly in therapies and I was constantly in meetings with the school. I thought it was time to have him fully assessed to see if he needed a remedial school. It turned out that he was really bored and needed academic extension, and so we moved him to a school that was on top of this.\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cEach school is a system and you want your child to emerge from that system with confidence and self-esteem.\u201d\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n \n Heidi\u2019s advice is, if at all possible, not to choose a school based on financial reasons, sibling discounts, or convenience. \u201cAt one stage I had two au pairs and a driver. We shlepped to Yeshiva College, Torah Academy, Victory Park, Maharsha, Mesivta Shaarei Torah, and the Cheder because that\u2019s what it took for each child to be in an environment where he or she could thrive. My children loved hanging out with each other after school and hearing all about each other\u2019s days. They never took spending time together for granted. Each was so proud of his or her school and its particular hashkafa and never put each other\u2019s school down. There was never any comparison of one child to the other, or siblings living in the shadow of an older one. Each school is a system and you want your child to emerge from that system with confidence and self-esteem. Then they can go on to achieve their full potential wherever life takes them. Believe me, I didn\u2019t choose this colourful ride because I was bored. But I would do it all over again!\u201d \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Yael[3]<\/a><\/sup><\/sup> has four children at four different schools, but they all started out at Hirsch Lyons. \u201cIt\u2019s a special, warm environment with a very active and involved parent body. It\u2019s actually more like a family than a school and everyone has each other’s backs,\u201d she says. \u201cFor example, one mom noticed that her child was always sharing his lunch with one particular kid. She wondered if the child was always forgetting his lunch at home, or he didn\u2019t have enough food for school or if he didn\u2019t like what he was getting. This led to an initiative where each mom has one day to pack an extra five sandwiches and snacks that goes into the \u2018Munch Box\u2019 at the school office. Any child can go pick something for any reason \u2013 no questions asked. It\u2019s the perfect symbol for a school that values derech eretz, kindness, and inclusivity,\u201d she explains. \u201cIf a parent is sick, you sign up for school lifts, whether you know them, whether your child is friends with theirs, or even if they live out of your neighbourhood.\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cMy oldest daughter is very sporty and wanted a school where that talent could be nurtured so we moved her to King David Linksfield. It\u2019s a huge school so all her subjects are accommodated during the school day \u2013 as opposed to before or after school hours. She could participate in all the sports teams she wanted to, from netball and basketball to hockey or padel. There are constantly chessed activities on the go. What they do lack in the quantity of hours spent on Jewish Studies they make up for with the calibre of the teachers who are young, dynamic, and relatable. The school also offers the structure and boundaries my daughter needed, with rules consistently enforced. This has allowed her to thrive. The social group is big enough to find \u2018your\u2019 people which doesn\u2019t always happen in the smaller schools and there are extra murals, socio-economic groups, and subjects that cater to each individual. While we never thought we were \u2018King David\u2019 people – we are so impressed and grateful for what the school has given our daughter.\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Yael says that Covid impacted her family\u2019s school trajectory in a very unique way. \u201cWe got a Rebbe to come teach our kids every afternoon because there were no extra murals or social activities. One of our sons absolutely loved learning Torah and after Covid asked to move to Maharsha to spend even more time learning. He has thrived there and they make learning exciting for their boys. There are always incentives like pizza and prizes, there are constantly siyums where boys get up and deliver Divrei Torah. What really stands out for me is that there\u2019s no separate children\u2019s davening, they all daven together with businessmen and professionals before they start their day. I think that it sets an amazing example of how to live as a Jew. Maharsha\u2019s hashkafa is very different to ours and I have had to adapt my way of dressing to fit in \u2013 and I\u2019ve always liked to stand out. It\u2019s not because anyone has been judgemental but because it\u2019s the school\u2019s standard and I have to respect that.\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cMy third child is at Yeshiva College. It\u2019s a school where the academic, the informal, and the formal Jewish education all point to a life of integration. Bnei Akiva and the high school trip to Israel are a big emphasis. The informal leadership is very dynamic and sets an amazing example that you can be a religious Jew, daven three times a day, and also be a fully involved, contributing member of the secular world. Socially it can be challenging because the classes are smaller and if your child is not involved in Bnei or doesn\u2019t live in the area, they are more limited socially.\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Yael\u2019s youngest daughter is 9 and is at Torah Academy. \u201cThe nursery school really blew us away. Though it\u2019s a big school, you really get the sense that you and your child are really seen and supported. The parent body is totally diverse \u2013 from the frummest of the frum, to the most secular \u2013 and everyone is loved and accepted with no judgement. If I had to sum up the school\u2019s approach, it\u2019s to teach children to love Hashem, love being Jewish, and love doing mitzvos. They do celebrate Chabad milestones and holidays that we had never heard of \u2013 like the Frierdike Rebbe\u2019s release from prison \u2013 but we feel this has really enriched us. The Rebbeim are great people and role models we can all learn from, whether or not it\u2019s our hashkafa. Like Hirsch Lyons, Torah Academy is sweet, small, uncomplicated, and unmaterialistic! When the children were born, we had a fixed idea that they would all go to the same school and all grow up together in the same way, along our derech. As their personalities have evolved, we have had to evolve with them and it\u2019s been an amazing journey into Joburg\u2019s diverse but united Jewish communities. I\u2019m grateful we live in South Africa where we drive our kids around till they\u2019re 18. We know where they are and we know who their friends are. If we lived in Israel or America we would be giving that up, and that\u2019s a scary thought,\u201d Yael concludes.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Kelita Hoffman has two children. Her daughter started at Chabad of Sandton Nursery School which she describes as warm, nurturing, fun, relaxed, and non-judgemental. She then moved to King David Sandton. Her son started at Sandton Sinai, then moved to The Talk Shop, and is now at Bellavista, thriving. \u201cHalf of my son\u2019s class is Jewish, and a lot of the teachers and therapists are Jewish, so I don\u2019t get stressed he is missing out on work when there are Jewish holidays,\u201d says Kelita. \u201cThe school offers Jewish studies once a week and insists that at all parties and school functions the kosher children are catered for \u2013 which is more than what happens at some Jewish schools! He also attends extra Jewish Studies on a Sunday at Chabad of Sandton where he learns the basics like washing hands and morning blessings, upcoming chagim, and basic Hebrew which helps bring Judaism to the Shabbos table. I would caution parents about keeping a child back in nursery school, because many issues don\u2019t resolve just by being a little older and a child can\u2019t stay back more than once in the Foundation Phase because then they are too old. Get an edu-psych assessment so you know exactly what the issues are and can make the best decision,\u201d she says.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cI keep a kosher home and go to shul every Shabbos and I have been very impressed with King David Sandton\u2019s level of yiddishkeit. My Grade R daughter knows her brochas and knows all about Pesach and Shavuot in an immense level of detail. We\u2019ve had the most interesting conversations. They learn pride in Israel, they really celebrate Yom Ha\u2019atzmaut and Yom Yerushalayim, and they learn Hebrew every day! I also really love the school\u2019s emphasis on tzedakah. There are always drives \u2013 and you give what you can. It\u2019s not pressurising at all, but it sets the tone. Contrary to popular perception, the student body and families are quite diverse in terms of their interests, religiosity, and socio-economic status. The school also offers a lot in terms of parenting enrichment, like free online talks. I used to be a teacher’s assistant when I lived in LA and I can tell you there\u2019s no place I\u2019d rather school my kids than Joburg! My husband is American and still chose South Africa. Here you have so many beautiful Jewish schools all within the Orthodox framework, even if they are not very religious, and you can\u2019t appreciate how important that is until you\u2019ve seen the alternatives,\u201d Kelita concludes. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cAs our children\u2019s personalities have evolved, we have had to evolve with them and it\u2019s been an amazing journey into Joburg\u2019s diverse but united Jewish communities.\u201d\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cThe child\u2019s emotional well-being is paramount and should be prioritised over academics. However, it is often the case that students who are not coping academically are not happy at school. If this is the case and all private and school-based support has not been successful, alternative placement should be considered. I would suggest that the same applies to social well-being. If your child is unhappy socially and if reasonable efforts to remediate the situation have not been helpful, then school change may be necessary. It is, however, also important to consider the imperative role that resilience plays in a person\u2019s life and therefore \u201cjumping ship\u201d prematurely may undermine the development of this characteristic. If the intention is to move to another school because the new school provides more opportunity for the student, then that may be different to moving because of difficulties at the current school. Always consider professional intervention and evaluation first before making a move because moving schools may sometimes exacerbate some problems.\u201d\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n You can find out more about the concept of Tzimtzum on Chabad.org Point made by Michal Oshman, \u201cWhat would you do if you weren\u2019t afraid?\u201d \u2191<\/a>\n
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On Changing Schools
Professional Advice from Psychologist Larry Hirshowitz <\/h5>\n\n\n\n\n
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