A light-hearted, quick-start guide for living, working, and being social with people who\u2019ve got ADHD. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n Chances are, you\u2019ve met someone with ADHD \u2013 let\u2019s call her Andy. Her energy and enthusiasm are infectious, her ability to lose track of tasks (and time) is legendary, and her meticulous plans are a slightly tidy, ever-growing pile on her desk. She\u2019s charming, caring, and can make you want to pull your hair out faster than she can lose her keys!\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\n In this article, we\u2019ll use three scenarios to explore how Andy\u2019s ADHD traits can affect those around her (ie. us) and offer practical tips to help us all stay sane and productive.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Scenario 1: Scattered Focus and the 10-Minute Coffee Break That Almost Happened<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n It\u2019s a regular morning for Andy. Her team meeting starts at 08:30 \u2013 in 30 minutes \u2013 and she\u2019s fresh out of bed with a plan:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n It\u2019s a super-simple plan with a decent margin of error, so she\u2019s well on her way to a great start to her day. On her way down the stairs, she picks up the laundry basket (\u201csaves time \u2013 the washing machine is in the kitchen too\u201d). Halfway down, she remembers yesterday\u2019s coffee cup is still in the study… Leaving the basket behind, she goes back for the cup (\u201cleaving it is messy, and I\u2019m going to the kitchen anyway \u2013 so it\u2019s tidy AND efficient to do this\u201d). In the study, holding the used coffee cup like the trophy of ADHD productivity it is, she sees her latest to-do list, and the top item on jumps out at her. \u201cEmail Fred about his report.\u201d She decides to do it right away (\u201cIt\u2019s a 30-second email; I\u2019m already by the laptop!\u201d). She turns the laptop on and, while waiting for her laptop\u2019s \u2018I\u2019m ready\u2019 chime, she looks around and her books aren\u2019t straight. So she starts tidying them (\u201cthe laptop will take a minute; I can do at least 10 books in that time!\u201d). At 08:28, she\u2019s done half her book collection and MS Teams has pinged to let her know that Michelle has just started the morning meeting. Andy is still in her pyjamas. Her laundry basket is on the stairs. And the closest she\u2019s gotten to caffeine? Yesterday\u2019s cup \u2013 still in her hand!\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Perspectives: what you\u2019re thinking is not what she\u2019s thinking.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n From Andy\u2019s perspective, she just spent 30 minutes executing a purely logical set of actions, staunchly targeting heroic levels of efficiency through thoughtful multitasking.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cTo her team, she\u2019s showing up as unprepared (again) and off-camera (again!) and delaying their meetings (again!).\u201d\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n \n For her family and colleagues? Our (still-pyjama-clad) protagonist is likely a source of ongoing frustration. To her team, she\u2019s showing up as unprepared (again) and off-camera (again!) and delaying their meetings (again!). To her family, she\u2019s almost completed a series of almost-relevant tasks (again), while using almost all the time meant for something else…\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Practical Tips for Reducing Frustration and Improving Outcomes<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n If you have someone like Andy in your work environment, here are some handy tips:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n \u201cStick with getting coffee; ignore the laundry for now; fully feel the discomfort in that small moment of inefficiency!\u201d\n<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n FYI for ADHD Folks: Practice what we call \u201cPurposeful-Led Inefficiency.\u201d When tempted to pivot to another task in an attempt to streamline everything, pause. Let that inefficiency happen! Stick with getting coffee; ignore the laundry for now; fully feel the discomfort in that small moment of inefficiency! You\u2019ll thank yourself later when the meeting starts on time and you\u2019re not trying to brush your teeth while getting dressed as the camera turns on!<\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Scenario 2: Hyperfocus and the Never-Ending Joy of Rabbit Holes<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Let\u2019s switch now to Andy in full flow at work. She\u2019s a coding expert known for brilliance in user interfaces. On Monday morning, her manager Martin assigns her three interfaces due by Tuesday late afternoon. It\u2019s well within her capacity and she\u2019s excited to help.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n She starts with the second interface right away because it sparked a curious idea for her. Three hours later, she\u2019s fully engrossed. Six hours later her body enforces a toilet break, and then she\u2019s back into it. By lunchtime Tuesday, she\u2019s done it\u2026 but when Martin checks in he sees she still has the other two to do, and there isn\u2019t the time for it.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n He manages to rectify the situation by pulling team members in from other projects, but the last-minute scramble affects everyone\u2019s morale and ratchets up the time pressure on those other projects.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Perspectives: what you\u2019re feeling is not what she\u2019s feeling!\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n From Andy’s perspective \u2013 like many with ADHD \u2013 she slipped into hyperfocus: an intense state of concentration where time ceases to exist, similar to the state of flow that deeply expert people and athletes occasionally achieve. More than that, she achieved something satisfyingly unique in realising that curious idea she had.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n From her team\u2019s perspective? She failed spectacularly! Her simple assignment snowballed into chaos affecting other projects and morale. Her relationships with colleagues is affected, and she\u2019s even worrying about keeping her job.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Practical Tips for Managing Hyperfocus-Related Issues<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Managing hyperfocus can be easier than scattered attention with these practical tips:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n FYI for ADHD Folks: Be aware of your hyperfocus tendencies. As amazing as it feels to get lost in flow, you can add more value by not diving too deep into rabbit holes. Build habits of pausing regularly (like getting up for a walk every hour) and consider asking coworkers for help staying on track.<\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Scenario 3: Slightly Social, Partial Participation, and Dead Deadlines<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Let\u2019s close by peeking into Andy’s social life. As a rule, her family and friends adore her loyalty, charm, and lively spirit\u2026 when she shows up. Alas, she is often late, double-booked, or misses get-togethers entirely.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n For example, tickets for last Wednesday’s quiz night were bought by Sandy for their group of friends. Andy arrived 45 minutes late, and the team missed out on first place because she missed the tech-related questions they were relying on her to answer.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Why was she late? She lost track of time because she was engrossed in doing extra work, to show she was a team player and repair her relationship her with colleagues. When Sandy messaged, missing her and asking if she was ok, Andy panicked, and left the office post-haste, to try to be there as promised to her friends. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n She did arrive at the quiz eventually, having had no supper, still in work clothes, and with her laptop still on her back. While Andy liked being with her friends she couldn\u2019t really engage \u2013 she felt bad about letting them down, letting her team down, and not finishing the work she\u2019d been doing.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Perspectives: not every time and place is the right time and place.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n From Andy\u2019s perspective, she was trying to prioritise doing right by everyone, because she cares, and she wanted to do it as well and as soon as possible. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n From her friends\u2019 perspective, our rushed and stressed protagonist has almost made it right for almost everyone she meant to, at almost the right time\u2026 but in fact hasn\u2019t done any of that for anyone. Take a deep breath, guys, and let\u2019s get some\u2026\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Practical Tips for Better Social Engagements<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Andy\u2019s friends can help her, and them, by:\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n FYI for ADHD Folks: Accept that time management isn\u2019t your strength \u2013 but also know it generally works out okay! Use phone reminders or share calendars with friends and ask them nicely (before they read this article!) for occasional nudges when needed.<\/em>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n Wrapping It Up: Expect the Expected and Manage for Mayhem<\/strong>\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Living and working alongside someone like Andy comes with numerous benefits, as well as some negative impacts. In this article we looked at how to mitigate them. The tools, ranging from \u2018expecting the expected\u2019 to \u2018co-regulating\u2019 time management, will improve our relationships with people like Andy, and enhance outcomes across the board.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n AUTHOR\u2019S BLURB\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n \n Mike is a transformational executive coach, with a special interest in working with clients dealing with questions with no easy or obvious answers. His clients range from new parents to international music stars, from well-known rabbis to people experiencing crises of faith, as well as senior executives at global firms. His significant research on, and lived experience with, neurodiversity has seen him be a mentor and coach to numerous organisations, families, and adults dealing with it.\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u2026But It\u2019s Affecting Me Anyway! A light-hearted, quick-start guide for living, working, and being social with people who\u2019ve got ADHD. By: Michael Sher Chances are, you\u2019ve met someone with ADHD \u2013 let\u2019s call her Andy. Her energy and enthusiasm are infectious, her ability to lose track of tasks (and time) is legendary, and her meticulous plans are a slightly tidy, ever-growing pile on her desk. She\u2019s charming, caring, and can make you want to pull your hair out faster than she can lose her keys! In this article, we\u2019ll use…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":5835,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[93,100],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5834","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-93","category-chanukah"],"gutentor_comment":0,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5834","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5834"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5834\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5836,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5834\/revisions\/5836"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5835"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5834"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5834"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5834"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
\n
\n
\n
\n
\n