{"id":471,"date":"2016-10-25T15:53:43","date_gmt":"2016-10-25T15:53:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/?p=471"},"modified":"2016-10-29T21:29:44","modified_gmt":"2016-10-29T21:29:44","slug":"shabbos-2-0","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/2016\/10\/25\/shabbos-2-0\/","title":{"rendered":"Shabbos 2.0 – Taking Shabbos to the next level"},"content":{"rendered":"

By: Robert Sussman<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I had been in law school for about a month when a panicked classmate who hailed from, of all places, Alaska approached me with a look of grave concern on his face. \u201cDo you mean to tell me that you don\u2019t do any \u2013 ANY \u2013 work for law school on Saturdays!?\u201d He had obviously been speaking with other students about the fact that I was a Sabbath observant Jew, the implications of which had clearly dawned on him. A smile spread over my face, as I shook my head in the affirmative and calmly uttered, \u201cThat\u2019s correct\u201d, and waited for his reaction. Utterly flabbergasted, a look of complete disbelief on his face, he now stood before me, shaking his head from side-to-side saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know how you get by!\u201d There are moments in our lives where we get the response right on the very first try (and not just later on in our imagination after we replay things multiple times). I sat forward and asked him, \u201cDo you mean to tell me that you do work for law school seven days a week?\u201d He proudly responded in the affirmative. I pressed him, \u201cYou never take a day off?\u201d \u201cNo!\u201d he enthusiastically announced. It was now my turn to express absolute shock and disbelief, albeit with a bit of a wry smile, \u201cI don\u2019t know how you<\/strong> get by!\u201d<\/p>\n

The truth is I really don\u2019t know how people \u201cget by\u201d without Shabbos each week. And I\u2019m not talking about just taking a day off from work or unplugging for 24 hours and enjoying some real human, face-to-face contact and conversation. I\u2019m talking about experiencing a Shabbos each week, a day which requires us to disconnect from our normal weekday activities \u2013 the things we do all week, as well as the way in which we do those things \u2013 and to focus our energies in a completely different way, channelling those energies into other areas and relationships which would otherwise suffer from neglect. Like most things in life, however, our connection to Shabbos is very much about both the perspective that we bring to it and what we actually put into it. People who choose not to keep Shabbos generally think of that day in the negative \u2013 in terms of the things that we are not permitted to do on it. Funnily enough, I have never met anyone who regularly keeps Shabbos who thinks of it in that way at all. Rather than hyper-focusing on such details and seeing them as detracting from the day, someone familiar with what Shabbos is all about sees such things in their larger context and recognises that refraining from such activities actually has the opposite effect, helping to enhance the experience of that day.<\/p>\n

Although Shabbos is certainly counted among the many mitzvos contained in the Torah, and even famously inscribed on the tablets containing the Ten Commandments which Moshe carried down from Mount Sinai, Hashem also informed Moshe[1]<\/a><\/sup> that Shabbos was His gift to us \u2013 and not just any gift, but an incredibly precious one, worthy of being stored in Hashem\u2019s own storehouse of treasures. To appreciate this gift, we need to do more than just show up to the table with a hearty appetite. Shabbos requires preparation and not just regarding the obvious things we need to do in advance because we cannot do them on that day. I\u2019m talking about our entire approach to Shabbos. Shabbos is meant to be something savoured, something special, which we look forward to and think about all week long \u2013 an oasis in time. What follows are two very different approaches to enhancing our experience of Shabbos: the first focuses directly on preparing and investing in our Shabbos table and the second focuses on changing our weekday dining routine in order to, indirectly, enrich our Shabbos dining experience as a result.<\/p>\n

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Making Shabbos memorable<\/strong><\/h2>\n

A small investment yields big returns<\/strong><\/h4>\n

By: Robert Sussman <\/strong><\/h2>\n

Rabbi Sender Grossnass, Maggid Shiur (lecturer) at the Kollel Yad Shaul, explains that preparing for Shabbos means more than just making sure that the food is cooked, the house is cleaned, and the table is set. \u201cA person also has to prepare the spirituality of Shabbos,\u201d he notes. \u201cThere has to be preparation for the table of Shabbos like a teacher has to prepare a lesson.\u201d Practically speaking, this means that a father has to set aside some time on Wednesday and Thursday each week to sit down and prepare two lessons for his family, one for the Friday night meal and one for the Shabbos day meal. It cannot wait until the Friday rush, when there is simply no time for such things. \u201cA person has to stop and think: what am I going to say after each course? What type of vort (words of Torah) am I going to say?\u201d And, just as with a teacher, we have to do our best to entertain and engage our audience \u2013 to make the Shabbos meal and the learning come alive, inspiring the children and keeping their interest.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s also important to keep in mind,\u201d Rabbi Grossnass says, \u201cthat just like adults have a mitzvah of oneg Shabbos (of enjoying ourselves on Shabbos), so too our children deserve to enjoy Shabbos.\u201d Accordingly, Rabbi Grossnass cautions, \u201cwe must take extra care not to get angry with our children at this special time. It\u2019s easy for parents to get upset with their children because it\u2019s a very concentrated amount of time together during which things can spill and break and everyone is hungry, especially before kiddush, and tempers can often flare. We must be patient and ensure that our children enjoy Shabbos, so that they will cherish their memories of the Shabbos table.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Rabbi Grossnass\u2019 suggestions for preparing the spiritual atmosphere of the Shabbos table each week:<\/strong><\/h4>\n

\u25cf We need to get a good story book and keep it under lock and key. It must be a book that the children have not yet read and with which they are not familiar, so that it will be fresh and exciting for them. Each week, we should only read a few pages, deciding ahead of time where we will start and stop. Naturally, we need to read it with drama and in an exciting manner.<\/p>\n

\u25cf Prepare some simple, sweet words (a vort) on the parsha \u2013 nothing complicated. There are many great English books to look at by authors such as Rabbi Frand, Rabbi Pam, etc. It\u2019s very important, however, to keep in mind our audience and to speak on a level that includes the understanding of our children.<\/p>\n

To emphasise the importance of this, Rabbi Grossnass tells of when Rabbi Moshe Shmuel Shapiro z\u201dl, the Rosh Yeshiva of Be\u2019er Yaakov, once invited a yeshiva bochur to eat at his Shabbos table. This guest prepared a complex idea, explaining a difficult Rambam. After the bochur spoke, Rabbi Shapiro did not react, so the guest asked, \u201cThe Rabbi didn\u2019t like my vort?\u201d Rabbi Shapiro responded, \u201cThere are other people sitting here. Are they going to gain anything from your explanation of the Rambam? Rather, come to me after the meal and I would be delighted to discuss the Rambam with you. This isn\u2019t the right time for it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u25cf The Torah tells us that we must \u201cremember the Shabbos day to sanctify it\u201d, and Rashi explains[2]<\/a><\/sup> that part of always remembering Shabbos is that if we chance upon food that is especially nice, we should set it aside to eat on Shabbos. Similarly, when we hear some nice words of Torah during the week \u2013 perhaps an insight that the Rav shares between Mincha and Maariv, or something we hear in a shiur, or even an inspirational story \u2013 we must make a note of it and save it for Shabbos.<\/p>\n

\u25cf If we hear a humorous anecdote during the week, we must write it down and save it to tell over on Shabbos. Yes, it\u2019s important to smile on Shabbos. Maybe save it for the end of the meal or even after the meal. And we can even discuss the message of the anecdote and receive input from our children.<\/p>\n

\u25cf In addition to sharing words of Torah, it is important to sing zemiros (aka Shabbos songs) at the Shabbos table. We need to prepare in advance the songs that we\u2019re going to sing. We may not enjoy the latest melodies for these songs, but no doubt our children do and we need to sing along with them.<\/p>\n

\u25cf Depending on the age of our children, we may even need to prepare a game for the Shabbos table, such as \u201cI Spy\u201d, etc. Rav Matisyahu Salomon, the mashgiach ruchani of the Beth Medrash Govoha Yeshiva in Lakewood, once explained in an address to women that they should encourage their husbands not<\/em> to test their children on Shabbos because the children also need to enjoy Shabbos and not be made to feel bad or uncomfortable. Rabbi Grossnass recalls: \u201cOnce we had a family at our Shabbos table and the child remembered that his family had been with us for a meal the previous year for the very same parsha. How come the child remembered this? The child told his parents that he remembered how I had asked him a question on this very parsha and he had not known the answer. A year later he still remembered this incident! Since then, I don\u2019t ask questions at the Shabbos table.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u25cf Acquire a book like Vehaarev Na<\/em> by Rabbi Yitzchak Zilberstein (available in both Hebrew and English), which contains unusual, funny, and interesting stories that lead up to questions in Jewish law. It serves as a springboard for great discussions at the Shabbos table, while simultaneously instilling in children the importance of recognising that when such questions arise, they require us to consult an expert in Jewish law to be able to determine what to do.<\/p>\n

\u25cf Last, but not least: we need to pay a visit to the local kosher sweet shop and buy some treats for our children. Regardless of what happened that week \u2013 whether our child knew his lessons, didn\u2019t know his lessons, behaved himself, didn\u2019t behave himself \u2013 Shabbos treats have to be unconditional, so give the child a sweet at the end of each Shabbos meal with love.<\/p>\n

\n

Rabbi Grossnass is sure that his suggestions will be met with some resistance: \u201cRabbi, you want me to do this every week?\u201d And he\u2019s quick with a response: \u201cFirstly, your wife puts tremendous effort into preparing delicious Shabbos meals every single week. Secondly, imagine if your child came home from school and said that the teacher\u2019s lessons were boring, that the teacher did not prepare any lessons or worksheets. What would you do? You\u2019d probably go to the principal and complain about that teacher, \u2018What kind of teacher is this? Where is his preparation? Where are the worksheets?\u2019 And that\u2019s for a teacher who is teaching children who aren\u2019t even his own children. And now for your own children, you\u2019re giving them two lessons each week and you don\u2019t want to prepare anything?\u201d<\/p>\n

Rabbi Grossnass notes that there are many side benefits to doing all of this. By preparing lessons for the Shabbos table, a person needs to learn the parsha a bit and perhaps even other areas of Torah. It will also add to the atmosphere in our homes, enhancing the level of shalom bayis (the peace in the home), as the wife will take pride in the efforts of her husband, and this will help to draw the family closer together. Even those who do not have young children need to make special efforts, preparing things to say and to learn at the table for the benefit of one\u2019s wife and guests.<\/p>\n

It is in our power to make Shabbos into something truly inspirational and enjoyable. By preparing for the Shabbos table, we give honour to Shabbos, just as we would do so if we were expecting an important guest. With a little effort, we can create a memorable experience; after all, everyone deserves to have an oneg Shabbos \u2013 to enjoy and to be inspired on Shabbos.<\/p>\n

Thank you to Charles Krengel for this story idea.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Happy meals, Jewish-style<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Cutting down in order to enhance<\/strong><\/h4>\n

By Rabbi Avi Shafran<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Unless you\u2019re reading this in a third-world country, you have more choices about what to eat \u2013 and likely eat considerably more every day \u2013 than 99.9% of the human beings who ever walked the face of the earth. Even a time-traveller from only a mere century ago, taken for a tour of a typical supermarket today, and then to a simple restaurant for a meal, would be dumbfounded at the sight of what\u2019s available on the shelves and on the menu. And those of us living now? Meh. We\u2019re not so impressed. We\u2019re busy plodding on our hedonic treadmills, taking our bounty of food for granted, and casually overindulging in it even as we stay on the lookout for new food adventures to try to keep things exciting.<\/p>\n

Ironically, though, despite \u2013 or, perhaps, because of \u2013 all our available gastronomic pleasures (and expanding waistlines), we rarely, if ever, experience the delight that our time-traveller experienced in the early 1900s when he suddenly found himself in possession of, say, a can of tuna. A hamburger was probably something closer to heaven. Which brings us to the fact that there\u2019s something \u2013 and something Jewish, too, as it happens \u2013 to be said for wilfully denying ourselves foods, at least at times.<\/p>\n

Recent research, in fact, has provided evidence that temporarily giving up something pleasurable may provide a route to greater delight in the deferred treat when it\u2019s finally enjoyed. Participants in a study published last year in Social Psychological and Personality Science<\/em> were asked to eat a piece of chocolate on two occasions, a week apart. During the week, one group was assigned to eat as much chocolate as possible; a second group, to eat none at all; and a third group, the control, was given no particular instructions. Those in the second group, perhaps unsurprisingly but significantly, reported enjoying the end-of-week chocolate more, and experiencing a more positive mood when consuming it, than either of the other groups.<\/p>\n

The great medieval Jewish sage Maimonides counselled something most modern nutritionists would agree with, and most of us today would do well to adopt: eating only when hungry and, even then, not eating to full satiation. Now there\u2019s a diet that, whatever you decide to eat, is pretty much guaranteed to keep you fit. What you eat, of course, is important too. Whole grains, vegetables, and fruits are what experts say should make up the bulk of our daily food. Meat, sweets, and fats, not so much. As it happens, it is clear from a number of passages in the Talmud that, while eating meat is permitted by Judaism, it was eaten back then \u2013 and, presumably, meant to be eaten \u2013 as a sort of relish to accompany bread, any meal\u2019s mainstay. It is unlikely that a steak would have been regarded by the rabbis of old as a meal unto itself (even with vegetables on the side). Meat, in fact, was considered a special food, one with which to honour the Sabbath and holidays.<\/p>\n

The author of the classical Jewish moral treatise the \u201cPeleh Yo\u2019etz\u201d, first published in Constantinople in 1824, advises against eating meat (unless one\u2019s health requires it \u2013 a rare situation these days) other than on such special occasions. Now there\u2019s a thought. Reserving meat and sweets and other less-than-healthy delectable indulgences for the Sabbath will not only benefit our health but, simply because they are abstained from the rest of the week, make us, when we do indulge in them, happier eaters. Shabbos, in fact, is a day that Judaism teaches us to honour, in particular by reserving the nicest things we have \u2013 whether clothing or dishes or foods \u2013 for it. Even physical pleasures are rendered holy when indulged on the Sabbath. In olden days, Jews would scrimp the entire week to be able to afford a piece of fish or meat for the Sabbath. The Talmud tells how the great sage, Shammai, when he found some special delicacy in the marketplace, would purchase it and put it aside for the Sabbath.<\/p>\n

Imagine \u2013 no, consider \u2013 taking meat and baked sweets off your menu for weekdays, and making them part of your honouring of the Sabbath. Your enjoyment of the foods will be intensified, and it will yield benefits to your health, physical and spiritual alike.<\/p>\n

Part Two, \u201cHappy meals, Jewish-style\u201d, is reprinted with permission from simpletoremember.com<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Shabbos 10b \u2191<\/a><\/li>\n
  2. See Shemos 20:8 \u2191<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    By: Robert Sussman I had been in law school for about a month when a panicked classmate who hailed from, of all places, Alaska approached me with a look of grave concern on his face. \u201cDo you mean to tell me that you don\u2019t do any \u2013 ANY \u2013 work for law school on Saturdays!?\u201d He had obviously been speaking with other students about the fact that I was a Sabbath observant Jew, the implications of which had clearly dawned on him. A smile spread over my face, as I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":468,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-471","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-6","category-october-2016"],"gutentor_comment":0,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/471","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=471"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/471\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":495,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/471\/revisions\/495"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/468"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=471"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=471"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=471"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}