<\/p>\n
\u201cI don\u2019t need the world to remember my son. It\u2019s very important for me that he stays alive within family and friends who knew him. I would like us, as a people, to remember who we were at that time, to remember what we are capable of and what we can strive for; if that comes with the names of the boys attached, then there\u2019s a special sense to it.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Racheli Fraenkel shares her unique perspective on the very personal events that touched and united us as a nation.<\/strong><\/p>\n People often look upon those who are religiously observant as simpletons, mindless zombies, who \u201cdrank the Kool-Aid\u201d, were brainwashed, or, perhaps even worse, simply flipped their thinking caps to \u201coff\u201d. The irony is that, at least when it comes to Judaism and particularly Torah observance, just the opposite is true: a person\u2019s mind has to be switched on at all times. Our Sages teach that the only way for a person to be pious is to study, as one cannot be scrupulous in walking in Hashem\u2019s ways and performing his mitzvos if he doesn\u2019t actually know and clearly understand what\u2019s required of him in any given situation, especially how to decide the right course of action when competing issues come into play. Various authorities even maintain that secular studies (at least in terms of science and math) are essential prerequisites for Torah study.<\/p>\n What came through over-and-over again in my conversation with Racheli Fraenkel was her thoughtful approach to life, not mindfulness, but mind fullness \u2013 processing events and emotions slowly, deliberately, and dispassionately through her mind\u2019s eye. Admittedly, it wasn\u2019t entirely surprising, as after all, this was the woman who a little over a month after burying her beloved son Naftali, a\u201dh, sat down with television host Sean Hannity and told him in one and the same breath, \u201cWe\u2019ve suffered a terrible tragedy and that\u2019s the personal issue, but on a national level, it might have saved dozens of lives\u201d, referring to the subsequent discovery of the Palestinian terror tunnels that resulted from Operation Brother\u2019s Keeper, launched as a search and rescue operation to find her son and the other kidnapped boys, Gilad Shaer, a\u201dh, and Eyal Yifrah, a\u201dh. It\u2019s not uncommon for Jews to process world events through the lens of: \u201cIs it good for the Jews?\u201d But to witness someone answering that question, while effortlessly pivoting between such an incredibly painful, personal perspective still so raw with emotion over such a profound loss, and a collective, national Jewish perspective regarding how we as a people may have gained from it, is nothing less than remarkable. It\u2019s this constant presence of mind, the ability to take a step back from an emotionally overwhelming situation, to take control of her emotions, and see and process things rationally that sets Racheli apart. She\u2019s quick to downplay things, however, and claim that there\u2019s nothing special about her, stressing that she is not unique and that, in Israel, many people react in this way to such things.<\/p>\n \u201cI was once speaking to a group of girls and my sisters were there because we happened to have been together for Shabbat and they said, \u2018Okay, let\u2019s hear your talk!\u2019 And someone asked me: How do you prepare yourself for dealing with stuff when it comes, and I said, \u2018You know\u2026I\u2019m nothing special and you just deal with stuff as it comes.\u2019 And when we were walking out, one of my sisters told me, \u2018You know, you\u2019re right, you\u2019re really nothing special, but Aba and Ima, they are special!\u2019 And thinking of my parents, they\u2019re so optimistic and full of life, I can\u2019t point to anything specific \u2013 things that were said or the way that we were brought up \u2013 but the combination of both of them probably accounts for the presence [of mind] that we get.\u201d She emphasises the incredible support of her family and community for helping her to get through such a difficult time, sharing as well the mental refrain that saved her from breaking down during the most challenging moments, \u201cI just kept telling myself, \u2018You can always fall apart later,\u2019\u201d and that in itself \u2013 knowing that she could break down if, and when, she needed to \u2013 was its own comfort.<\/p>\n It was their exceptional mental control that helped all of the parents get through the seemingly endless days of not knowing what was and would be with their children. \u201cThere were so many dark places to go to and to think about. Are the boys being fed? Are they together? Are they going insane? Are they dead? When I would go to such dark places, all of my energy would be drained in a second \u2013 it was like touching electricity. I learned very quickly to control where my thoughts went. We once discussed it, the six of us (referring to her husband, Avi, and the parents of Gilad and Eyal<\/em>), and we were all quite surprised to learn how much control we have over where our thoughts go. It doesn\u2019t mean suppressing emotions because eventually you deal with everything \u2013 but you also don\u2019t have to dwell on the places that aren\u2019t useful for you.\u201d<\/p>\n Recognising her own limitations was one of the greatest lessons and comforts for Racheli. \u201cI think one of the dominant things \u2013 in a positive way \u2013 [that I learned from the experience] was a sense of vulnerability, fragility, and exposure, getting some of our protections, the padding around us, peeled off. In a world of faith, to me it\u2019s about totally being dependent, about understanding that the things I want more than anything are totally out of my control. Some things are in my control; my response is in my control. Over the last two years, I\u2019ve spoken to a lot of people who went through a lot \u2013 and I learn from each of them and it definitely keeps things in perspective. People have gone through a lot worse.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe essence of this for me was the dependence \u2013 the things being out of my control and, in that way, it brought me closer to Hashem; it didn\u2019t distance me.\u201d Racheli mentions the famous poem of unknown authorship titled, \u201cFootprints,\u201d which tells the story of someone looking back on his life, seeing only a single set of footprints in the sand during the most difficult times, and wondering where G-d was during those moments of greatest need, only to be told by G-d that it was during those times that He carried him. \u201cIn the most difficult times, Hashem\u2019s hashgacha (supervision) is the most obvious and brazen. I experienced it that way. By me, it was obvious; you could see it with your eyes. Anyone looking [at the situation] could see it. I know there are other versions of such an experience and sometimes it\u2019s a matter of perspective. Like when people say, \u2018It\u2019s all a gift,\u2019 and it\u2019s a terrible clich\u00e9 to say \u2018It\u2019s all a gift\u2019 \u2013 and losing someone is certainly not a gift, but there\u2019s always the wider picture. I believe that it\u2019s there and sometimes if you open the door to it, you experience the special grace that is in difficult situations. People are in desperate need of grace, but sometimes all of the difficulty and anger and other things you deal with block you from seeing it. And these are legitimate feelings as well \u2013 fear and anger and everything.\u201d<\/p>\n Racheli herself didn\u2019t experience anger but, listening to her, it\u2019s obvious that this was primarily an intellectual decision, once again her intellect taking the reins on her emotions. \u201cPeople feel like if they feel anger it\u2019s some kind of heresy. To me it\u2019s just a waste of energy. That said, it doesn\u2019t mean that I won\u2019t experience anger tomorrow. At this point in my life, anger and hate and the stuff that eats you from within \u2013 I don\u2019t want to be there. I have other things to do \u2013 we all have limited energy.\u201d She describes how, when anger starts, \u201cYou feel your energies running way. There was one point where I was coming back from somewhere, it was a Thursday night after 10pm, and I got into my car, put on the radio, and started driving, and my stomach was turning and I couldn\u2019t understand what was going on. Then I realised that I was listening to the radio programme that can be heard in the background of the phone call that Gilad made. [The kidnappers were dressed like religious Jews and they had tuned into a religious programme in order to complete the impersonation.]<\/em> So I suddenly recognised the voice and I realised it\u2019s the same programme and then for a couple of minutes I felt all of that: \u2018Why? Why all of this?\u2019 I don\u2019t know if I managed to get to a state of anger, but it was very negative energy and, within seconds, I felt like I was becoming a rag doll and I felt that I had a choice not to be there, that it wasn\u2019t right for me. I\u2019m not judgmental of anybody else\u2019s choice; it\u2019s just not the right choice for me.\u201d<\/p>\n Part of that cerebral view of things also means that Racheli is able to avoid the natural human tendency to blame the entire Palestinian people for the heinous actions of those few responsible for what happened. She smiles, with a twinkle of pride in her eyes, as she tells a story about her son\u2019s kindergarten teacher, who spoke to her a couple of months ago during a wave of terror. The teacher related to Racheli how, \u201cThe kids in the class were playing \u2018terrorist\/guns\u2019 and my son was trying to explain to the other children, \u2018You\u2019ve got this all wrong, it\u2019s not like that\u2026there\u2019s the bad Arabs, there\u2019s Hamas, but there\u2019s the good Arabs,\u2019 and he was trying to explain the complexity of the situation.\u201d Racheli explains, \u201cI don\u2019t want my children growing up on hate \u2013 it doesn\u2019t create anything good in the world. On the other hand, their beloved brother was murdered by Hamas terrorists and I really believe in naming evil otherwise we cannot fight it. Turning every Arab into the villain is just not true and it\u2019s not a right choice for me, but being na\u00efve about the situation is fooling myself.\u201d<\/p>\n Racheli describes her relationship with Hashem as \u201cvery dynamic\u201d, admitting that, \u201clike most people\u201d in such a relationship, \u201csometimes it feels extremely close and sometimes it feels further away and sometimes it feels almost estranged, but it\u2019s a relationship and I accept that it\u2019s part of the relationship and I hope Hashem accepts that too.\u201d Perhaps the hardest part of any relationship is staying in control of our emotions and our senses, and avoiding their phenomenally strong pull, trying to rush us to judgment and to draw erroneous conclusions. Trusting in Hashem at all times, especially during those darkest and most painful of moments, being able to see His footsteps in the sand, His hands lovingly holding and guiding us in the profound darkness, maintaining an eye on our own personal narrative, while struggling to see how that personal narrative fits into a larger, national narrative simultaneously playing out on the very same stage in front of us \u2013 this is what it means to be a Jew. I am indebted to Racheli for, however briefly, allowing me to share the seat next to her and to experience her incredible perspective on the story that has unfolded and continues to unfold before her, and before all of us.<\/p>\n My heartfelt thanks to the SAZF and Mizrachi South Africa for bringing Racheli Fraenkel to our community and making the interview that served as the basis for this article possible. <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201cI don\u2019t need the world to remember my son. It\u2019s very important for me that he stays alive within family and friends who knew him. I would like us, as a people, to remember who we were at that time, to remember what we are capable of and what we can strive for; if that comes with the names of the boys attached, then there\u2019s a special sense to it.\u201d By: Robert Sussman Racheli Fraenkel shares her unique perspective on the very personal events that touched and united us…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":465,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-462","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-october-2016"],"gutentor_comment":0,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/462","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=462"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/462\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":464,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/462\/revisions\/464"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/465"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=462"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=462"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.jewishlife.co.za\/new\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=462"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}By: Robert Sussman<\/h2>\n