\u201cMy dear husband, Tuvia, who passed away just over a year ago, was rather reserved, introverted, and quiet. He had a beautiful sense of humour, a wit that came from his genius. He loved a good laugh when it was a good joke,\u201d explains Chana (nee Pesskin), the wife of Rabbi Tuvia Sifris, ztz\u201dl, as she speaks to me, lovingly remembering her husband and the quiet impact he made on the lives of each of their children, and herself.<\/p>\n
At the memorial service in Rabbi Tuvia\u2019s honour at Kollel Yad Shaul, Rabbi Boruch Dov Grossnass explained, \u201cReb Tuvi touched a lot of mosdos [institutions] whose influence ran through various sectors of the South African Jewish community.\u201d Among the many places and people he touched \u201che learned at the Kollel of Yad Shaul; he davened Shabbos and gave shiurium at Adas Yeshurun; he learned at Yeshivah Gedolah under Rabbi Azriel Goldfein and got semicha there; he taught for many years at Hirsch Lyons; he learned with the Chief Rabbi and they were at yeshiva together; and he had chavrusas with many people.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tuvia lived his life holding Hashem\u2019s hand. He lived his life knowing that we cannot be frivolous or over exuberant because of our galus (exile), so he reigned himself in. \u201cHe would tell this to the girls, who wanted to be \u2018freer\u2019 in their dress around the house. And he would say that tznius is for your own neshama.\u201d He had a constant awareness of living life asking: \u2018What is my avoda (work)?\u2019 \u201cDay in and day out, everything he did was done l\u2019sheim shamayim (for the sake of Heaven). He set high standards for himself, but he was very accepting of other people and especially their shortcomings.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was constantly thinking. His attention to detail and to every nuance of halachah was spot on. As Rabbi Grossnass expressed at the memorial, \u201cReb Tuvia was recognised as a person who was a reservoir of Torah knowledge. He was able to find all sorts of not well-trodden sources; he would be able to spill it out. And this was a person who made nothing of himself. Because he gave his all. Literally his all. Without making a fuss of it. His memory was phenomenal, his yedias Hatorah (knowledge of Torah) was phenomenal, but more than anything was his yegiah haTorah, his toil, his hasmadah, his diligence.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTuvia possessed a quiet depth and breadth of Torah which very few people in this world have,\u201d says Chana, \u2013 \u201cand he had the gift of having had it as a very young man because of the full-time learning that he had always busied himself with, supported at every moment by his father, who played a firm role in his life until he passed away in 2012.\u201d Tuvia and his father, Jackie, after whom their son, Yaakov aka Kovi, is named, were the closest of friends. \u201cI remember asking him on one of our dates: if you had a problem, who would you ask for guidance? I was expecting him to answer this rabbi or that. But his answer was always: \u2018My brother, Bradley, and my dad.\u2019 That is how it always was.\u201d He called his father daddy till the last, always emphasising the mitzvah of kibud av va\u2019eim (honouring one\u2019s father and mother).<\/p>\n
Tuvia\u2019s father, Zeida to the children, was brought up in a Jewish home with great pride and a strong Jewish identity, but without a strong Jewish education. Tuvia, in turn, was brought up in a home with great Jewish pride, but along with some of the knowledge to back it up as well, having gone to a Jewish day school. Tuvia\u2019s mother, Rosalind, Gaga to the children, gave fully of herself to facilitate the changes and transformation in her home that Tuvia brought about, having tremendous pride in her son and the man who he became.<\/p>\n
The Sifris family made Aliyah when Tuvia was ten years old, and lived in Israel for two years. \u201cWhen they arrived at the Absorption Centre in the heat of summer, Tuvia and his siblings asked: Where\u2019s the pool? It was a massive culture shock for them, coming from South Africa.\u201d<\/p>\n
But Tuvia came into this world with an \u201cintense innate sensitivity\u201d to him. \u201cFrom the youngest age he would never tittle tale on his sister or brother. His friends were carefully chosen. He did not speak loshen harah. His Bobba and Zeida, who were from Lithuania and directly affected by the Holocaust, had instilled in him an innate sense of what is right and wrong. Once, on a soccer tour, before he was even bar mitzvah, the hotel restaurant served chazer (pork). Tuvia refused to eat there.\u201d This sensitivity and love of Torah and learning ran deep, and the currents of generations that ran before infused his parents and Tuvia and his siblings as well.<\/p>\n
When Tuvia finished high school at 18, he enrolled full-time at the Yeshivah Gedolah of Johannesburg, learning Torah under the Rosh Yeshivah, Rabbi Azriel Chaim Goldfein, ztz\u201dl.\u201d Chana\u2019s eyes shine as she recounts Tuvia\u2019s deep love and respect for the Torah and for Torah learning. Their oldest daughter, Nechami, now 15, loved the sound of his continuous learning in the house, enjoying the humming that she now associates with it, and the memory of \u201ccuddling into his \u2018warm heart\u2019\u201d.<\/p>\n
And Chana loved the learning too, even when it took Tuvia away from home. \u201cI was here for hours and hours without him. He was busy learning, davening, teaching. Yes, the sound of his learning permeated the house, but I knew that, if I needed him, he would be there for us. He was never too busy to assist with kodesh homework, even if it took long, and he always expected the child to do it slowly, patiently, and methodically so that the child \u2018owned\u2019 her own work, without thought of how it was taking up his own time. I miss that.\u201d<\/p>\n
He was always totally engrossed in his Torah learning, which was foreign to Chana, even though it was what she searched for high and low. Chana met Tuvia in South Africa, which came as a surprise because \u201cI never thought I would find a South African man of the calibre of what I wanted\u201d. Rebbetzin Goldfein set the two up, having told Chana that he was everything that she had described. \u201cBut love? That she couldn\u2019t promise. That would be up to us. A gift from Hashem.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTuvia understood people. He was a very brilliant teacher. There are stories about how he stood up for downtrodden students, how one act by him formed a student\u2019s whole sense of yiddishkeit thereafter. He would tell me stories of the boys from school, but he never ever mentioned a boy\u2019s name. He was careful and measured. \u2018Hashem brings the answer in time,\u2019 he would always say, and he taught me patience to allow the process to happen. He was always the anchor, the voice of reason, steering the ship back on to course. He had such a deep love for his children.\u201d He also had a deep love of nature and was fascinated by it, especially enjoying trees, birds, and game viewing. On occasion, he would use Rabbi Gifter\u2019s words to describe how one of the powerful ways we achieve emunah is seeing Hashem\u2019s works and creations in this world.<\/p>\n
Tzippy, now seven, always loved Daddy\u2019s hugs, and Daddy reading to her, especially parsha and middos stories. Rachel, now ten, loved his lap at times during a Shabbos seuda when he sang the zemiros that he loved; he always got the kids to participate gladly. \u201cWe still sing those zemiros the way he did. We feel close to him when we do it. Nechami told me he was too good for this world. She would walk with him quietly at a deserted time on the beach, comfortable in their quiet togetherness. Being the eldest, she had the best of his years.\u201d<\/p>\n
It was one of the children, three years old at the time, who discovered the melanoma underneath his feet one erev Yom Kippur while resting together, which he recovered from, but which years later manifested on erev Sukkos as a malignancy on his spleen and in his pelvis. \u201cI was just sobbing. He told me there is no space for tears. And Yom Tov in the sukkah was special because of his unstoppable z\u2019rizus (zeal). He reassured me and everyone: with Hashem\u2019s help, we would get through this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLeah always went to say good night to daddy with a kiss on his forehead. When he was in ICU and his coma was deepening, we didn\u2019t know when he was awake. One night, she bent down to kiss his forehead and said the usual \u2018good night daddy\u2019, and he responded \u2018good night Leah\u2019. She and I were both shocked with tears in our eyes that daddy had spoken from the depths of his coma.\u201d For Chana, it was an incredible but painful lesson to see him losing weight, deteriorating, in pain \u2013 but always patient with a kind word.<\/p>\n
\u201cHis caretakers called him The Rabbi. When he was immobile, he still insisted on going to every minyan, and every seder at the Kollel. He came home late, exhausted, but grateful for another day to serve Hashem.\u201d As Rabbi Grossnass described, \u201cWe all witnessed, all the time, but especially in the last six to eight months when he could not walk anymore. But he came to the Kollel, he came to seder, he came to shiurium, he came to davening, on a daily basis, hardly missing, except if he had to go to a Doctor\u2019s appointment and then he would tell me beforehand\u201d so that they would know he wouldn\u2019t be there.<\/p>\n
Rabbi Tuvia went on for over two months, with mass prayer rallies and Tehillim in his zchus (merit). At the memorial, Rabbi Grossnass told over how \u201ca couple of days before he was niftar [passed away], in his hospital room, the last time he had his eyes open and he was awake, he said a few words. He muttered an apology that he [was] not attending [learning] seder. In his moment of clarity he felt that he should be somewhere else \u2013 in the ohel [tent], learning Torah. He learned Torah constantly. And when he wasn\u2019t learning Torah he was thinking it. And he didn\u2019t expect any rewards, any accolades, anything special. This is what he was created for.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe wasn\u2019t a man of his generation,\u201d says Chana, he was born for a number of years in order to fulfil his task, and that is all. And his Torah learning was his all. I\u2019m grateful that the kids have the legacy of their father. They are proud of him and what he achieved, how well respected he was by all.\u201d Chana told her youngest child Yaakov that his daddy is learning Torah day and night with Hashem now. \u201c\u2018Doesn\u2019t he get tired?\u2019 he asked. I said: \u2018The neshama never gets tired; only the body does.\u2019 Kovi liked that. I\u2019m sure Tuvia is loving\u00a0it too.\u201d<\/p>\n